"Thinking something does not make it true. Wanting something does not make it real."
Its Been a While
Hey Tumblr! God I cant event remember the last time i posted on here. Its like a blast from the past. These last few months have been crazy and I really need a place to vent. None of you actually need to read this its just for me to spend a few minutes writing something non academic.
Transitioning into grad school, so much harder than i thought. No matter how many times people tell you its more work, nothing can really prepare you. Trying to balance work and school and my internship is a constant struggle. I want to give 100% to everything and in turn i feel like i’m only giving 80% to each. No matter how good my intentions i feel like my performance lacks in all areas of my life. All i do is worry about what has to get done next and what im not doing if i take a minute to breathe. I feel like im back to last year where i just didn’t want to do anything because i was so overwhelmed. I know its me but my perfectionism is like unreal right now. I want to impress so many people and do everything right this year to hopefully help my future. But i feel kind of lost. Like im doing all of these things but im moving backwards not forwards. I want to live up to all of these high expectations of me but i feel like im not. Now that i finally have an apartment its wonderful but im still stressing about getting a bed and furniture and how much it costs.
I have this aching feeling all the time to want someone who wants me. I know this is so typical girl of me but i really do get lonely. I spend my whole day with tons of people but i feel very alone all the same. My NEAG friends seem distant because i only have time to see them in class or they are in london. My catering family I see at work, thank god, because they keep me sane. Other than that most of my friends are off living their own lives. I just feel like im constantly doing everything on my own. I have no social life (which is my own doing) even more so because I live alone. I know im strong but I don’t feel like it lately. As much as i hate to admit it, im struggling.
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
"Even if your kindness won’t be acknowledged by anyone, remember that someone in heaven smiles for what you’ve done."
I know that every door closed is another opened but sometimes it just feels like it slammed in your face